25 to Dark Souls

Last time on Dirty Deeds Done Dark Souls, The Man finally caught up to us! And The Man is a dragon. Funny how that works. Anyways, I got beat up then found myself in prison. Not my proudest moment. But still, it’s only a temporary measure. They’ve got nothing on me! That was all self-defense! Besides, I’m pretty sure that only a few people I’ve killed are actually dead anyways, thanks to the whole eternal undead curse thing. I’ve just got to wait for Lordran to get some sort of government back together, rebuild its judicial system, then finally get around to reviewing my case, and I’m home free.

Yeah, maybe I should think about breaking out of here.

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First things first, though, I’ve got cell-mates! I should go say hi, then we’ll bond over our shared misery, talk about how we didn’t really do anything, then build long-lasting friendships that will endure all through our huge, elaborate escape attempts.

Or instead, I’ll kill them all because they PUT ME IN A CELL WITH A PAIR OF CRYSTAL ZOMBIES! Not cool, Seath. Not that they can last long enough to pose a threat to me, but still, I’m offended by the principle of the thing.

So what is this, anyway? Some ploy to drive me hollow? Or are they holding me here for some sinister, future purpose. I can’t imagine they’re expecting me to just rot in here, given the whole ‘I will never truly die’ thing. This place isn’t nearly as secure as the Northern Undead Asylum was, and if that place couldn’t hold me, what makes you think this will?

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Hey, you know what’s a good, traditional celebration of prison life? A good shanking. Unfortunately, I just slew the only two people within easy reach, but luckily, one of the guards decides to take his smoke break right next to my cell. They hadn’t been able to disarm me; presumably Seath just had some weird magic that connected me with the bonfire in here rather than the usual one upon my resurrection, so nobody actually laid hands upon me after I died. Maybe the guards don’t even know I showed up here. In any case, I’ve still got all my pointy implements. I put them to use, and show this guard where his spleen is.

Fortuitously enough, he had the key to my door. I reach through and grab it, then quickly affect my escape. Unfortunately, I don’t go unnoticed.

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One of the serpent men sounds the alarm. Well, if they didn’t know I was here before, they certainly do now.

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Someone else opens a cell door, releasing a horde of these… things. Pisacas, I later find out they’re called.

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They march out and start filling the lower level of this… combination library/prison tower? Whatever I’m in.

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