25 to Dark Souls

Last time on Dirty Deeds Done Dark Souls, The Man finally caught up to us! And The Man is a dragon. Funny how that works. Anyways, I got beat up then found myself in prison. Not my proudest moment. But still, it’s only a temporary measure. They’ve got nothing on me! That was all self-defense! Besides, I’m pretty sure that only a few people I’ve killed are actually dead anyways, thanks to the whole eternal undead curse thing. I’ve just got to wait for Lordran to get some sort of government back together, rebuild its judicial system, then finally get around to reviewing my case, and I’m home free.

Yeah, maybe I should think about breaking out of here.

First things first, though, I’ve got cell-mates! I should go say hi, then we’ll bond over our shared misery, talk about how we didn’t really do anything, then build long-lasting friendships that will endure all through our huge, elaborate escape attempts.

Or instead, I’ll kill them all because they PUT ME IN A CELL WITH A PAIR OF CRYSTAL ZOMBIES! Not cool, Seath. Not that they can last long enough to pose a threat to me, but still, I’m offended by the principle of the thing.

So what is this, anyway? Some ploy to drive me hollow? Or are they holding me here for some sinister, future purpose. I can’t imagine they’re expecting me to just rot in here, given the whole ‘I will never truly die’ thing. This place isn’t nearly as secure as the Northern Undead Asylum was, and if that place couldn’t hold me, what makes you think this will?

Hey, you know what’s a good, traditional celebration of prison life? A good shanking. Unfortunately, I just slew the only two people within easy reach, but luckily, one of the guards decides to take his smoke break right next to my cell. They hadn’t been able to disarm me; presumably Seath just had some weird magic that connected me with the bonfire in here rather than the usual one upon my resurrection, so nobody actually laid hands upon me after I died. Maybe the guards don’t even know I showed up here. In any case, I’ve still got all my pointy implements. I put them to use, and show this guard where his spleen is.

Fortuitously enough, he had the key to my door. I reach through and grab it, then quickly affect my escape. Unfortunately, I don’t go unnoticed.

One of the serpent men sounds the alarm. Well, if they didn’t know I was here before, they certainly do now.

Someone else opens a cell door, releasing a horde of these… things. Pisacas, I later find out they’re called.

They march out and start filling the lower level of this… combination library/prison tower? Whatever I’m in.

Pressing On in Dark Souls

Last time, on Doom, Despair, and Dark Souls, my status as the Best Chosen One became known to the world after I rang the two Bells of Awakening. Of course, this isn’t a role one can take lightly. Just being a chosen one has a lot of responsibility, but being the World’s Best Chosen One is more than most people can bear! Will I be able to handle the burden? And what is that burden exactly? Let’s find out together!

We ended up in Quelaag’s Domain last time, a giant sexy spider’s den deep in the bowels of Lordran. This place has an exit leading even deeper, into a place called the Demon Ruins, but honestly, after a sewer level and that blasted Blighttown, I’m done with being underground. I need some sun on me. So I head upwards, back towards Firelink Shrine.

Upon arriving back at the closest thing I have to a home base, I stop for a bit to chat with my new best friend, Laurentius of Great Swamp. You remember this guy. He’s the guy who gave me the power to unleash the fiery passion in my soul upon my enemies. I buy up all his pyromancy spells, because being able to throw fire is awesome, and he tells me a bit about the nature of pyromancy magic. A pyromancer’s power truly does come from the soul, as it turns out, and when Laurentius gave me my pyromancer’s flame and the ability to throw a blaze from my hands, he also gave me a little bit of himself.

I’m honestly touched.

Aside from that, there are two new things at Firelink Shrine, one good, and one bad. The good part is that we have a new resident, yet another person who’s not a complete jerk. Yay!

Although he does happen to be a bit monstrous.

Ah, so that’s all the Best Chosen One needs to do? Just become the next Geezer Zeus, lording with godly might over the realms of man? I just link the Fire, cast away the Dark, and purge Lordran of the Curse of the Undead? Is that all?

If you’ll excuse me a second, I’m starting to get a little lightheaded.

It’ll be ok, right? I am the Best Chosen One, after all. It’s not like I’ve died dozens of times already just ringing the Bells of Awakening, and besides, even if I have, which I totally haven’t, I’m undead, so it doesn’t much matter. I can die all the times! All I’ve got waiting for me is eventual demented insanity, and an eternity of looking a burned and wrinkly and…. ugly? Ok, I’ll do it. I’ll purge the undead curse. I can’t go through life not being beautiful!

To cure the undead, though, first I need to get the Lordvessel from Anor Londo. Before that, though…

Right. So, the Kingseeker Frampt does have some usefulness for me, besides just dispensing direction and looking like an inbred worm demon. He’ll eat my junk items for me, removing them from my inventory and giving me some extra souls in return. I take advantage of that, to make things less cluttered. My pockets started getting a little full after the fortieth set of crappy armor I stuffed in there.

Even Captain Mopey here is impressed with me. Doesn’t stop him from complaining about our new guest, though.

I did mention that there were two new things at Firelink Shrine, right? The first was Frampt. The second, well…

The bonfire’s out, and I can’t light it. This concerns me.

I investigate. The Firekeeper has been slain. Our bonfire, the main factor that made Firelink so welcoming and safe, has been lost. The mute woman has left behind nothing but her clothes, and a Black Eye Orb. This orb allows me to invade the world of the murderer of a Firekeeper and reclaim their soul. Something tells me she left this there knowingly, hoping someone would be able to save her. Conveniently enough, the eye constantly watches towards Anor Londo, our future destination.

In not unrelated news, the knight Lautrec of Carim has gone missing. Methinks I have a suspect.

But, before I can reach Anor Londo to track down the firekeeper’s killer and regain the Lordvessel, first I’m going to need to traverse Sen’s Fortress, and insidious den of traps that random giant opened up when I rang the two bells. Now, there are quite a few places I have yet to explore, and most of my gaming instincts are telling me to take care of the side areas before bothering with the route the game wants me to take, but I’ve read up on what this Lordvessel does, and I’m thinking I want to get my hands on that before I go exploring. So, it’s the plot path for us!