Last time, on Diamonds, Daisies, and Dark Souls, we did nothing! A whole lot of nothing! I mean, we’ve had our Dark Souls breathers before, but this was spectacular in its nothingness. We accomplished absolutely zilch in our last post. But don’t worry. That one was just the appetizer. I hope you didn’t fill up, because here’s where we get to the actual meal.
And yet every time I start a post like that, I always spend the first couple paragraphs just dicking around. Who am I to break with a good tradition? In this case, I just bugger off to Anor Londo, and spend a good long while hanging with the giant blacksmith there. He’s not my best friend. I haven’t had good luck with best friends. But he’s close.
Specifically, meeting Sif in the past reminded me that I had his soul in my pocket. I figured I saved his life, so he probably won’t mind this next part, and have the giant blacksmith hit his spirit with a hammer until my shield absorbs it. That gives me the same shield Artorias granted him, to protect him from all those ghosts in the Abyss.
Except mine’s a lot sexier, of course. I know, because I picked up the original, worn out shield from Sif back in the past as well. Oh, and do you remember how Elizabeth decided to keep my deeds and glory a secret, in order to keep the whole time paradox thing from happening?
Yeah, causality can go screw.
I have armed myself with two of the exact same shield, from different points in time. I bear the power of paradox itself. Let’s see how good it is in a fight.
The zombie gazes into this impossibility I have created. One shield sure, but two of them? Its mind tears itself apart from the very thought of it.
The reality of my paradox resolves itself right in its face.
None can stop the wrath of time itself, the thing that should not be!